I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
