i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
