Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
