you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I understand Curling. That high.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
