I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
