did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
