And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
