so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
