blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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