I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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