I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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