This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
