belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
