I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
