in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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