Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
