Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
