Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
