Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
