Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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