Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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