My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
