I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
