I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
