No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
