she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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