Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
