There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
