Apparently you make a good broom.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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