sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
