I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
