That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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