There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
