Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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