so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
