If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
