totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
