my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
