My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
