Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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