I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
