wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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