thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
