their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My vagina just clenched in fear
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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