So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
