Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
