When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize