in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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