I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize