Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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