i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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