i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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