I am spending my child support on dildos
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
