The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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