Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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