I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
