as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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