I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
