I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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