Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
