that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
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Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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