They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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