The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This is the prime rib incident all over again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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