I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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