Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
