ya dads aren't the best wingmen
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
