There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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